1. Watch, learn, and support your new contacts on the public platform *before* you slide into their DMs. For example: Send the connection request with a short message about something or someone you have in common, or other relevant trigger event. Over the next couple of weeks, like and comment on posts, share things they are promoting, join common groups, and generally be part of their tribe. Your request for a real conversation will be much better received once your new connection has seen you around a bit and there’s been some public engagement.

2. Keep your initial message short. Slow your roll. Treat your first message a bit more like a 1:1 text and less like a 1:many marketing campaign. At the earliest stage, you are NOT selling! Instead, aim to resonate and create alignment in small steps. The longer your first message is, the less likely you are to get a reply. If you get a response such as, “Not interested…” you’ve said too much.

3. Do NOT assign homework to strangers. That’s what you are doing when you send messages with too many words plus links and other assignments. People are almost too busy for those they actually know, love and/or respect. You’re not even close to that category yet. Expecting someone to read your dissertation of a message, go to your articles, watch your videos, or click on your scheduling link (before they know you) is borderline disrespectful.

4. Earn the right to ask for a more meaningful conversation. The fact that you “would love to learn more” about someone or their company is no longer compelling. You have to address why they would want to meet with you. (I called a guy out on this once and it was hilarious; message me if you want the whole crazy story!) After you’ve done #1 above, you might send a message like this:

Hi Caleb! It looks like you’re also an Emerson College alum, and we’re both connected to a bunch of the same people professionally as well. In your recent post, you mentioned that you have a client looking for some help. I may have some ideas for you. Let’s chat! How’s your schedule look after 2pm EDT next Wednesday or Thursday? (Or, we can share scheduling links if that’s easier.)

5. Make your new contact the hero of the story. Talk about them, not yourself. You’ll notice that the example above doesn’t start with the word “I,” and in fact contains very few ego words, i.e. I, my, we, our, my company name. This is especially important if you’re prospecting. You have to have genuine and specific interest in them, and there has to be a real sense that it’s worth their time to even talk to you. Nobody wants to get on a call to discuss how great you (or your solutions) are — even if you have an act as great as SpongeBob’s, per my TikTok video:

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