Yesterday, I noticed that my monthly satellite radio bill had silently grown by 150%, so I called my provider to negotiate a better deal. Jason (not his real name) answered the phone with an angry tone similar to my husband’s after the Steelers lose a game. Jason reluctantly helped me, and even though I lowered my bill, which is what I wanted, I ended the call with a not-so-good feeling inside.
Have you ever called a customer service department for help only to find a disgruntled representative responding to you on the other line? I often wonder what might be happening at work to cause him/her to be so miserable. More importantly, how far up the corporate chain does this poor behavior go?
When I work with companies, I sometimes find that this negativity goes all the way to the top. When “angry teenagers” run the boardroom, often those around them can become unproductive and act like wounded children instead of the mature, adult leaders they really are. You may have experienced angry teen behaviors yourself or with others:
1. Defiant
2. Controlling and/or dominating
3. Hypercritical
4. Averse to feelings
5. Unproductive or apathetic
When under stress, we too can become the angry teen, like customer service agent Jason, or we can be triggered in a completely different way: the wounded child. Today as an adult, there are still occasions when I see leaders act as angry teenagers, and my wounded child is triggered. These behaviors include:
1. Feeling overly responsible
2. Neglecting one’s own needs
3. Acquiring stress-related illnesses
How do we stop these unhealthy patterns? In coaching, we encourage leaders to acknowledge their contribution to the situation no matter how small. Although we can’t control others, we can take responsibility when we are triggered.
When I am triggered, I remind myself that I am safe and that the mature leader within me has got this situation handled. How do I coax that mature leader to emerge when the wounded child wants to be in charge? The mature leader emerges when we practice a strategic alignment concept called ACTT.
A is for alignment. What are my core values, and how aligned am I with my values at this moment? Healthy kids and adults naturally express their values. When I am aligned with my own values, I can assure myself that I am enough and the angry teen behavior is not personal.
C is for crew. Who is willing to address angry and wounded behaviors with me? Good crew members are self-aware and understand the importance of being accountable. A good crew will help us change course when things aren’t going in a positive direction.
T is for transformation. Will I commit to making time to do something different about my situation? Perhaps I can create team-building activities to engage in fun, childlike behaviors (like being curious, creative and candid), giving the child within a healthy outlet.
T is for transition. How will I transition from where I am now to where I want to be? When I have a values-based action plan, the mature adult within will instinctively show empathy instead of defensiveness when confronted by angry teen behaviors.
In my experience, sometimes organizations think they have problem employees, when actually they may just have adults with immature behaviors, even in the boardroom. When we ACTT, it’s easier to be open-minded, supportive and reality-based with others. Imagine a world where everyone takes responsibility for their impact, whether it’s intended or unintended!
When used correctly, the ACTT blueprint is a powerful tool for employee engagement. With the ACTT process and a healthy dose of empathy, we will have more meaningful conversations and a more productive workplace.