May has always been a month of transition. Spring in full bloom, fresh energy, and just enough optimism to believe people might actually follow through on their good intentions. So this year, we’re channeling that energy into something practical. We’re calling it “What to Say May.”

Most people don’t stay silent at work when they witness toxic behavior because they don’t care. They stay silent because they’re unsure. They don’t know what to say, they’re worried they’ll make it worse, or they’re not confident they’ll be supported.

And research backs this up. Employees frequently hold back ideas, concerns, or feedback because they believe it won’t matter or they don’t feel psychologically safe enough to speak up.

But silence has consequences.

Even when unintentional, it can signal agreement, reinforce problematic behavior, and leave others feeling unsupported. Over time, that silence becomes part of the culture.

So this month, we’re equipping people with the language to act.

 

What to Say (When It Matters Most)

Knowing you should speak up is one thing.

Knowing what to say in the moment is what actually makes the difference. Being an upstander doesn’t require a dramatic speech or a perfectly crafted response.

It’s about small, intentional moments. Here are a few simple, effective ways to respond in real time:

When someone makes a joke that crosses the line: “I’m missing something… why is that funny?”

When someone takes credit for another person’s work: “I want to make sure we recognize that this was originally [Name]’s idea.”

When someone shuts someone down or dismisses someone’s input: “I think they’ve got more to say on that point. Can we give it a bit more space?”

When feedback is delivered harshly or disrespectfully: “I read once that feedback is best if focused on the problematic behavior rather than the person. You can’t fix lazy, but you can fix missing deadlines, so it might be better to try that next time. What do you think?”

When a boundary is being crossed (time, workload, personal space): “That timeline isn’t realistic for me. Can we adjust?” Or, “I need to set a boundary here so I can stay effective and on top of things.”

These moments may seem small, but they’re culture-defining because culture lives in daily interactions. When you describe your company culture to an outsider, for example, whether you know it or not, you’re talking about “how it is” with the people you work with.

Most importantly, these actions are learnable. When you have even one or two go-to phrases, your likelihood of speaking up increases significantly. You can explore more examples of what to say in the moment here.

 

Where to Start

Bring “What to Say May” into your workplace! You can keep it simple and actionable:

  • Share one phrase a week with your team
  • Role-play common scenarios in team meetings (keep it low-pressure) so people develop social permission to speak up by learning what others might do
  • Encourage leaders to model speaking up in real time
  • Tie speaking up to core values (guaranteed at least one of your company’s values makes room for speaking up)
  • Reinforce that progress, not perfection, is the goal

Like any skill, it gets stronger with guidance, repetition, and support.

That’s why organizations that are serious about building respectful workplaces are investing in tools that help employees move from intention to action. It’s not enough to tell people to “speak up.” You have to show them how.

This is where structured approaches like our Upstander Training Toolkit can make a real difference. When people have frameworks, language, and examples, they’re far more likely to step in when it counts.

It’s our most requested training program, typically brought in-house for thousands of dollars. But you can access it for just $249! 

 

Leading in a Speak-Up Culture

“What to Say May” is about building the skill of speaking up. 

And you may have noticed Gen Z is already raising the bar.

This generation is more likely than others to question norms, call out misalignment, and expect workplaces to back up their values with action. They’re not just willing to speak up. They expect to be heard.

And that’s creating both an opportunity and a challenge for leaders. So join our free webinar: “The Gen Z Effect on Leadership and Workplace Culture,” on May 27th at 10am PT.

Attendees will earn 1 SHRM/HRCI PDC, and a few lucky participants will win our Upstander Training Toolkit and copies of Catherine’s book, Navigating a Toxic Workplace for Dummies.

👉 Register here to save your spot.

The post “What to Say May”: Turn Good Intentions into Everyday Courage appeared first on Civility Partners.