Feeling disconnected from your partner is very normal. Don’t let social media fool you. Between motherhood/other caretaker responsibilities, career, and life, our partners are often the people who get pushed to the back burner. This doesn’t always mean something is broken. It’s usually a signal that something in your relationship needs your attention.

Here are 7 steps to help you reconnect meaningfully:

  1. Name the Disconnection (Without Judgement or Blame)

    Start by asking yourself. What kind of disconnection am I feeling? Is it emotional? Physical? Mental? Spiritual?

    Sometimes just admitting, “I feel lonely, even though I’m not alone,” is the first act of reconnection.

  2. Check in With What You Need

    When we’re overwhelmed, we don’t always have a good handle on our own needs and expect our partner to fill in the gaps.

    Try asking yourself:

    • Am I taking care of myself?

    • What am I expecting from them that I’m not even giving myself?

    This small (but mighty!) shift puts you back in a place of power instead of resentment.

  3. Actually Voice Your Concerns

    Instead of dropping hints or waiting for them to “notice,” try initiating a simple check-in. You can say something like, “I’ve been feeling a little distant lately and I miss us. Can we talk about it

    Remember: it’s not you vs. them. It’s you + them vs. the disconnection. — A KEY DISTINCTION!

  4. Rebuild With Micro-Moments of Connection

    Often, reconnection starts with small acts:

    • A 20-second hug

    • Sitting together without screens

    • Sending a kind or funny text midday

    • Making eye contact when you say goodnight

  5. Evaluate Your Relationship Habits

    Are you:

    • Only talking about logistics (kids, bills, schedules)?

    • Letting stress lead every conversation?

    • Making time for everyone except each other?

    Connection requires intention, not just proximity.

  6. Do Something New Together

    Research shows that novelty creates bonding. Try something you haven’t done together in a while:

    • Take a walk without your phones.

    • Cook a new meal together.

    • Ask “20 questions” like you just met.

    • Try a new to you restaurant

    Curiosity is powerful. Experiencing that curiosity together is even more powerful.

  7. Get Support If You Need It

    There’s strength in seeking help/support. Whether through couples therapy, individual coaching, or talking to trusted friends, support can help you understand what’s happening beneath the surface and address the core issues.

A gentle reminder:
Disconnection doesn’t mean doom and gloom. It’s nothing more than data. Many couples go through cycles of closeness and distance. What matters is how you respond and what happens next.