We can tell you that our Upstander Training Toolkit really works in our emails. But the most powerful proof comes from our expert facilitators who deliver this very same training to our own clients.
Dr. Toni Herndon and Dr. Bob Berk have facilitated this program to hundreds of learners across many industries and inside organizations facing real resistance, real hesitation, and real cultural challenges.
They’ve watched rooms shift. They’ve seen defensiveness turn into accountability. They’ve witnessed employees move from silence to action.
We’re sharing what the future holds for you as a facilitator of our upstander training, and more importantly, what happens for learners and why their response leads to lasting culture change.
If you’ve already downloaded the Upstander Training Toolkit, you’ll be inspired to learn about the successes you’ll have with your workforce or clients’ workforces.
If you haven’t yet, what are you waiting for?
When Do You Know the Upstander Training Is Actually Working?
We know the training is working when the conversation shifts from intent to impact.
Instead of saying, “That’s not what I meant” in their daily interactions, participants begin asking instead, “How did that land?” They start listening differently. They become more aware of how their words and behaviors affect others even when harm wasn’t intentional.
Another powerful sign is the pause. Someone starts to say something… stops mid-sentence… and recalibrates. Defensiveness gives way to accountability. “I didn’t mean it that way” turns into, “I can see how that impacted you.”
What Real Results Have You Witnessed Post-Training?
Hear from Toni in this 3-minute clip
Some moments in this training stay with us long after the session ends.
- Individual Change: A woman of color in a male-dominated field shared that ongoing microaggressions had been so exhausting she’d taken weeks off to recover in the past. After the training program she noticed that a colleague known for inappropriate comments paused mid-sentence and corrected himself. Others showed more awareness, engaged in real-time conversations, and focused on impact instead of saying, “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
- Departmental Change: One campus department initially focused on protecting staff from disrespectful outside customers. As the workshop progressed, they realized incivility was also happening internally across campus departments, behavior they had previously normalized. That awareness sparked a new goal: raising the standard of respect campus-wide.
- Overcoming Resistance: Leaders feared pushback from the mid-level managers attending a day-long retreat with our facilitator – leaders wondered if the managers would rebel against the request to build a functional culture in addition to engaging in the technical skills of their jobs. Sure enough, a manager questioned the purpose of the training. Bob shared that his pre-retreat interviews revealed that over a third of their team had experienced bullying, harassment, or disrespect. The room went quiet and the tone shifted. Managers fully engaged for the remaining six hours.
- Sustaining the Learning: Within a university department, a frontline employee ensured the work didn’t stop after our upstander training was over. With leadership’s support, she launched monthly “safe space” lunches where colleagues practiced real scenarios and coached one another in solutions. She even created certificates attendees could display to signal, “I’m a safe space.”
These aren’t scripted outcomes. They’re what happens when people feel equipped, supported, and not alone in speaking up.
How Does Upstander Training Build Community?
One of the most powerful moments in training is when participants realize, “I’m not the only one who feels this way.”
When people openly talk about their hesitation to speak up, the isolation disappears.
After training, we see:
- Peer coaching
- Shared language
- Ongoing “safe space” conversations
- Employees supporting each other
Community replaces silence and culture shifts because people no longer feel alone.
What Facilitators Should Keep in Mind When Delivering the Upstander Training
When delivering this training, remember to:
- Expect and empathize with resistance
- Lean into the hard questions and demonstrate curiosity
- Balance empathy with accountability
- Don’t rush through discomfort – that’s where learning happens
The toolkit gives you structure but your presence brings it to life.
What If the Organization Doesn’t Support Speaking Up?
Sometimes we hear from a learner: “This was helpful… but I won’t use it here.”
Instead of dismissing that concern, explore it. If people don’t feel safe speaking up, that’s not a training failure but a leadership signal. It gives you, the facilitator, the opportunity to talk with leaders about that feedback and coach them on communicating their support for speaking up.
No manager or leader wants to spend their days putting out fires caused by conflict or abrasive personalities. This program allows people to manage themselves and free up managers and leaders to do the things they’d much rather focus on.
How to Acknowledge Fear of Speaking Up
See it in action in this 3-minute video
In our research of other Upstander training programs out there, we notice a pattern: they provide a lot of information about why to speak up and maybe a few tools to do so, but never address the real and often deep fear that comes with actually speaking up.
We don’t. We acknowledge that speaking up is scary, risky, and emotional. We validate fear instead of dismissing it to help people lean into and overcome their fears instead of shutting down.
Because courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s having the tools, language, and support to move forward in spite of it.
Get Your Upstander Training Toolkit Now
The Upstander Training Toolkit isn’t just a collection of slides. It’s a structure and program we’ve been delivering for about 17 years – it’s designed to create experiential learning, honest dialogue, and practical application.
If you’re preparing to deliver the Upstander training, know this: the content will guide you. But your presence, your intentionality, and your willingness to hold space for real dialogue are what make it transformative.
Get the Upstander Training Toolkit and give your organization the structure it needs to turn good intentions into real, measurable change.
The post Hear From the Experts: What Really Happens in Upstander Training appeared first on Civility Partners.